Why the Lion King Sucks

Why the Lion King Sucks

  • By G-Bone
  • Nov 19
lion, warthog and meerkat
Articles

Let’s start here with a disclaimer, this is my opinion and not those of everyone here at Movie Moments. The rest of our staff are cowards who fear the truth. So any ways, let me tell you why Lion King sucks.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about why you think Lion King is good. You watched it when you were 6 and had never seen anything else before. The same story has been rehashed for centuries, that story is Hamlet.
 

The opening scene of Lion King was “game-changing” when this movie came out, but I mean talk about boring. Everyone freaks out about the song (you know the one where the guys yell as the sun rises) but I don’t hear anyone playing that on their Spotify, so no it isn’t a banger.


 

The Lion King is Boring

I’m so bored to death with the Lion King that I’m having trouble rehashing it. I am falling asleep at the keyboard, but I digress…..


So Scar kills Mufasa, tells everyone it was Simba and Simba fucks off. Simba grows up to be Matthew Broderick (who is the most boring, least charismatic man on the planet) and meets a couple of deadbeats. The deadbeats tell him “sucks your dad died have you tried giving up?” Which he does for a while.


 

lion watching hyenas march

The Ending is Stupid

Then he goes back (there’s a song about Nazis in between this part) and all the other lions for some reason just follow Scar even though he sucks absolute shit and everyone is dying, quite possibly the worst Lion King Pride Rock has ever seen. Simba challenges him, there’s a bit of a scuffle, and then when Scar can easily solidify his reign, he just blurts out he killed Mufasa. Buddy had it in the bag and just completely fumbled it. As soon as he says this all of a sudden all the other lions fuck him up, and the SS hyenas.


I mean come the fuck on, you’re telling me you coulda have done that this entire time? You just let everyone around you starve and let this prick rule you when you could have one-punched him? It’s just stupid and boring, but all of you love it for some reason, and frankly, it makes me sick. It’s bottom-tier Disney and you should all be very ashamed.


 

Ps. I love Elton John but the music is meh, if you want a great Disney movie, with the best music of all, go watch Hercules. You’re welcome. 

Did you like the Lion King?

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